Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens.
No one ever told me how emotionally devastating it is to send your child off to college. I’ve watched it portrayed on television, in movies and I’ve watched my sister struggle through the emotional circus but I just never expected it to feel like this. There is this quiet understated connection and bond between a mother and her only child. I’ve never expressed this to anyone except my husband but I knew when I had my daughter those 18 years ago, she would be my one and only. We would navigate life together. And we did.
I love our relationship. It’s honest, sometimes complicated, and sometimes tumultuous but mostly its loving, full of trust, respect and mutual admiration. Most who know me will tell you I was a strict momma. I’d like to think I was a fun mom as well but I have to admit, I had rules. I believe in guidelines, boundaries, cultivating self-respect, self-motivation and self-confidence. I was criticized at times for those rules and guidelines but in the end it paid off and I’m sending a confident, motivated, kind young woman into the world. She will make her own way, create her own success, make her own mistakes but I know she has the inner strength to make it on her own and I will be there when she needs a hug and little support.
I can’t keep her at home for forever but there are days I wish I could. I will miss how she fills every space she enters with light and warmth (except in the morning because she’s not a morning person). I will miss her sassy personality, her smile, her laughter but I won’t miss her dirty room.
We are blessed, the two of us, because what seemed like a road we were destined to travel alone became a road traveled with a family. We’re blended and we’re awesome…two big sisters, one little brother and a very cool step-dad. God gave Aubrey and I each other and life gave us a whole family.
So, despite the fact that I am not ready to let my little girl go, she’s ready and as we face this new road together, I’m grateful for all we have been given and all that will come.