Dinner

Turning Tides in the Midst of a Tailspin

I think it was the unfinished “to do” list that finally sent me into a tailspin. I was under a ton of pressure at work and trying to unnoticeably skip out of a mind-numbing meeting so that I could pick up my daughter and transfer her to an after school activity, while ignoring phone calls from a young co-worker who was unable to handle anything without me there to hold her hand.  Adding to the frantic tailspin, which had been set off by the list of things dangling out there for me to complete, it appeared that I had less in my checking account than the list of bills in my hands and to add insult to injury, I was wearing a pair of shoes that desperately needed to be introduced to the bottom of a trash barrel, but instead, were beautifully and creatively colored in by the brown sharpie I found in my desk earlier that morning.   I was going to look fantastic at my next meeting. NOT!

I wanted, at that very moment, to runaway.

This was, without a doubt, a poignant moment in my life, a realization that I had two choices; one, to of course, runaway, which wasn’t realistic or responsible, or two, to adjust my attitude and face my life with the courage and fortitude that I knew was inside of me…somewhere.

I wasn’t in the mood for insight and introspection but I knew this wasn’t just about me, it was also very much about my child and because my life and my attitude so drastically affected my daughters world, I began to consider the options and focus on what really mattered to me.  That, my friends, changed my life and more than likely, my daughter’s as well.

As Harriet Beecher Stowe so beautifully articulated; “When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn”.  All I can say is “you go Harriett”! 

Attitude, when thoughtfully considered, is one of our best life tools.  It’s the shovel that helps us scoop out the rocks and weeds that are keeping us from growing and succeeding in life.  It’s also the one thing we ALWAYS have control over.  We are unequivocally in control our anger, our fear and our happiness.  It’s a state of mind that only we can create. 

I had a good cry that day because I felt so completely defeated; however, looking back, I’m grateful that I eventually pulled myself together (with the help of a chocolate shake) and not just for me, for my little girl as well.  I also made a decision that became a bit of self-discovery, to finally give myself a break.  I had been in survival mode since my divorce and had pushed myself to an unhealthy extreme.  It’s liberating to realize how much control we have over our lives and it all begins with our attitude.

Time For Dinner

I believe one of the best parts of being a mom is listening to all of the wildly funny and crazy things our children say.  I love to listen to my daughter talk about life from her perspective.  She see’s the world in such a different light and often times it prompts me to take a second look at the way I view the world and those in it. 

Some of the most rewarding and interesting conversations I’ve had with my child through the years has been while sitting around the dinner table.   When she was very young I remember thinking I could hardly wait to hear what was going on in that cute little blond head of hers.  It seemed I really couldn’t get much out of her until it was time to sit down and eat dinner.  Even now when I ask, “how was school?” I get the standard, “fine”.   But when dinner rolls around and I manage to coax her to the dinner table, I get all of the delicious details of the day!  

I’ve always been an advocate of the family dinner time but even more so after my divorce.  And, mom’s, allow me to be very honest about this; it was a mental and emotional challenge for me to work all day, pick up my daughter from after-school care, help her with homework, cook dinner, finish household chores, etc.  In addition, there were the “hug me” evenings.  I’m a realist and I completely understand the challenges involved here, especially if you have multiple children in a single parent home.  However, that being said, it’s vital to create “the dinner time”.  The benefits of sitting down together to eat dinner are enormous.   It’s an opportunity to connect with your child, talk about the days events, talk about things that are important to them and to you.  There are a few websites full of information regarding the benefits of eating dinner together; one of my favorites is the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services website.  It provides detailed and statistical information on the benefits of a family mealtime in addition to providing resources for assistance if needed.  I recommend this link: http://family.samhsa.gov/get/mealtime.aspx.

Once you’ve read the statistics on the children who eat dinner regularly with their families, you will find the discipline and effort placed into this evening meal with your own family is worth every ounce of extra work.

To help make this a little easier, I’ve created a few quick ideas that worked for me and should help make it more fun for you and your family.

#1 – Plan a menu

I know, it’s that dreaded word, plan!  With everything that’s on your “plate” planning a weekly menu can be a real challenge; however, there’s no need to overwhelm yourself by planning a full week’s menu, you can plan three or four meals at one time and come up with a fun dinner out or a “serendipity” night (everyone gets to have what they want, as long as its healthy).  My daughter still loves “serendipity/anything goes” nights because I let her eat her favorite cereal and a cup of yogurt or we make eggs and toast or sometimes we even make pancakes for dinner.  Add a cup of fruit or cottage cheese and you’ve got yourself a room full of happy and healthy kids.  Just continue to remind yourself to keep things simple and don’t stress over dinner.  The key is having dinner together and listening to all the fantastic things that happened to your child during the day.  Once again, it’s about creating a secure environment that makes your child feel loved.  Providing them your undivided attention at the dinner table goes a long way to helping develop a happy and well-adjusted child.

When you plan your menu try to get everyone involved.  Take a few minutes each weekend to plan a few meals for the following week.  Give your child/children a list of dinners that you know they like and you feel comfortable cooking and let them choose the menu.  This gets everyone involved and makes it easier for you because now your menu is planned.  Place a corkboard, whiteboard, or small chalkboard in your kitchen and post the daily dinner menu.  Most children are extremely visual and it’s exciting for them to see the dinner menu, especially in the morning as they are walking out the door to school.  I’ve often heard my daughter say, “Yea! It’s taco night!” 

#2 – Give everyone a dinner duty

Everyone old enough to carry a dinner plate should have a dinner duty.  Whether you have one child or five, carve out a particular duty for each child during the dinner hour.  It can be as small as clearing the table and bringing dishes to the sink or placing the silverware on the table, stirring the sauce (supervised of course) while you cut up the vegetables.  Whatever you feel they can handle is what you should assign them to do during dinner time. Giving your child/children a dinner duty will build self-confidence and create positive dinner habits for a lifetime.

#3 – Have a themed dinner night

To help my daughter get excited about helping out with dinner, I would occasionally create a themed dinner night, such as a “Fiesta night” which included tacos and pink lemonade.   If I wanted to cook spaghetti with meatballs, I’d call it our “Fun in Italy Night”.  I’d ask her to draw a picture for the table that would match our theme and help me decide the menu based on the theme.  It was a lot of fun for both of us and took some of the stress out of planning dinner. 

#4 – Enjoy a living room picnic

Okay, this was and continues to be so much fun that we probably do it more than we should.  Most of the time I required the television to be turned off during dinner but during our “picnics” I would put in one of her favorite movies.  This isn’t something I would recommend every night but there’s just something so fun about moving the coffee table out-of-the-way, placing a big blanket on the living room floor and having a picnic for dinner.  Sometimes I would even pack up her favorite sandwich and fruit in a picnic basket to help make it feel as if we were really on a picnic.  I’ve served just about everything imaginable during our living room picnics but I think her favorite was Mac and Cheese. 

Today, we make homemade pizzas on the grill and when they are ready we place them on a big platter and get comfortable on the living room floor in front of our favorite movie. 

#5 – No dinner dishes!

I’m a firm believer in cooking at home for many reasons, one of them is simply cost another is making healthy food choices; however, sometimes its fun to have a special night out at a favorite restaurant.  So, if it’s in the budget, let your child pick their favorite restaurant and give yourselves a fun night out together. 

During our first few post-divorce years my daughter and I had a favorite restaurant that we frequented.  To this day she remembers having our once a week out-to-dinner night.  She remembers what she ordered, how we sat outside and talked about the day and most of all, how much she enjoyed that time together.  It was time and money well spent.

Well, Mom’s, I hope I’ve inspired your inner chef and you will begin your own family dinner rituals that will help you place a little “happy” in your family’s day.

One side note:  There are many meal choices when it comes to cooking for your family so I asked my sister and professional chef, Karista Bennett, to kindly develop a recipe section for the H.A.P.P.Y. Plan.  Some of her favorites will be listed in an easy recipe section of the book.  However, until the book is ready, you can visit her website for even more family friendly recipes at www.karistaskitchen.com.