I think it was the unfinished “to do” list that finally sent me into a tailspin. I was under a ton of pressure at work and trying to unnoticeably skip out of a mind-numbing meeting so that I could pick up my daughter and transfer her to an after school activity, while ignoring phone calls from a young co-worker who was unable to handle anything without me there to hold her hand. Adding to the frantic tailspin, which had been set off by the list of things dangling out there for me to complete, it appeared that I had less in my checking account than the list of bills in my hands and to add insult to injury, I was wearing a pair of shoes that desperately needed to be introduced to the bottom of a trash barrel, but instead, were beautifully and creatively colored in by the brown sharpie I found in my desk earlier that morning. I was going to look fantastic at my next meeting. NOT!
I wanted, at that very moment, to runaway.
This was, without a doubt, a poignant moment in my life, a realization that I had two choices; one, to of course, runaway, which wasn’t realistic or responsible, or two, to adjust my attitude and face my life with the courage and fortitude that I knew was inside of me…somewhere.
I wasn’t in the mood for insight and introspection but I knew this wasn’t just about me, it was also very much about my child and because my life and my attitude so drastically affected my daughters world, I began to consider the options and focus on what really mattered to me. That, my friends, changed my life and more than likely, my daughter’s as well.
As Harriet Beecher Stowe so beautifully articulated; “When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn”. All I can say is “you go Harriett”!
Attitude, when thoughtfully considered, is one of our best life tools. It’s the shovel that helps us scoop out the rocks and weeds that are keeping us from growing and succeeding in life. It’s also the one thing we ALWAYS have control over. We are unequivocally in control our anger, our fear and our happiness. It’s a state of mind that only we can create.
I had a good cry that day because I felt so completely defeated; however, looking back, I’m grateful that I eventually pulled myself together (with the help of a chocolate shake) and not just for me, for my little girl as well. I also made a decision that became a bit of self-discovery, to finally give myself a break. I had been in survival mode since my divorce and had pushed myself to an unhealthy extreme. It’s liberating to realize how much control we have over our lives and it all begins with our attitude.
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